Knowledge Check: Types of Loneliness

Now that we know about the four types of loneliness, let's see if we can identify them when we see them. For each of our Lonely Friends below, choose the form of loneliness that best fits their situation.

Notes for users:

After reading Types of Loneliness, quiz yourself on your knowledge retention by seeing if you can select which form of loneliness each character below is dealing with.

Notes for facilitators:

If working with a group, ask participants to take turns reading a story (below) out loud. Ask the group what type of loneliness they think the character is experiencing. If there are multiple answers, ask the group to debate between themselves which they feel is the most correct. Ask participants to explain why they feel an answer is correct based upon the Types of Loneliness reading.

If you're working with an individual client, read through each quote and ask your client what they feel the best answer is.

Tip: this knowledge check also works well as a flash card set. Print out each character's quote on one side of a sheet of paper. On the other, write the correct answer.

Tip: for group discussions, it may be useful to refer back to our print out our introductory descriptions of our seven lonely friends.

Tip: below each character's story is an explanation of their situation. After answering each question (or having your participants or clients answer each question), refer to these explanations to confirm understanding of the correct answer.

Donte's story

"I'd love to see my old college buddies more often, but there's never the time. We all have careers, families, mortgages...you know it goes. We say we'll get together, but then another year goes by. Charlene [his wife] complains that I spend too much time at work, but her parents' medical expenses are expensive and only getting worse, so I really need to make partner at the firm."

What type of loneliness is Donte experiencing?

(a) Emotional loneliness

(b) Situational loneliness

(c) Chronic loneliness

(d) Social loneliness

The correct answer is (b) Situational loneliness.

Understanding Donte's situation

Between his long hours at the office and three young kids, Donte doesn't have a lot of free time. While we often find ourselves 'too busy' at times, sometimes these situations are temporary. We might have a job with a particularly busy season, or find ourselves busier when our children are out of school in summer. When this is the case, reminding ourselves the source of our loneliness is temporary can be helpful. Sometimes we can create better time balance for ourselves, for instance by deciding not to check email in the evenings or weekends when we could be spending time with loved ones.

But sometimes, our situations are harder to change or might be longer-term. This is the case for Donte. His in-laws' medical needs create financial urgency for his family. A promotion at work would mean less financial stress, but will come with additional work. In this case, he can't rely on a situation changing, so he may need to make changes and adapt to his circumstance.

Rosa's story

"I've never had a successful romantic relationship. I have trust issues. My father left when I was really young. I barely remember him, but I remember he always seemed angry. I guess I was afraid of him. After he left, my mom was sad for a long time. Things were so hard. I know there are good guys around, but it's hard to put myself out there. These days, it's not just about me, but Eva [her daughter] as well. I don't want her to know what it's like to have a father come into her life only to disappear."

What type of loneliness is Rosa experiencing?

(a) Emotional loneliness

(b) Situational loneliness

(c) Chronic loneliness

(d) Social loneliness

The correct answer is (a) Emotional loneliness.

Understanding Rosa's situation

Like William, Rosa's loneliness is shaped by her past experiences. Her father was a source of emotional pain. Logically, she knows that not all men are like her father, but the trauma of her childhood relationship with him makes her cautious of putting either herself or her young daughter in that situation again.

Ed's story

"I'm not really one to need people. The world mostly irritates me, anyway....so to be honest, I could take or leave people. Now my Estelle [Ed's deceased wife] was the one person who got me. We had our moments, but we just understood each other. She was one-of-a-kind, my Estelle. Now she's gone, there's no replacing her...so sometimes if I'm feeling down, I'll just think about the life we had together."

What type of loneliness is Ed experiencing?

(a) Emotional loneliness

(b) Situational loneliness

(c) Chronic loneliness

(d) Social loneliness

The correct answer is (c) Chronic loneliness.

Understanding Ed's situation

Ed's deceased wife played a unique role in his life. It isn't surprising he doesn't want to replace her. When we lose someone very close, especially after many years together, it can be natural to feel to hold onto their memory. Even when we decide to be alone, we can still become lonely.

When our loneliness is chronic and we don't see our circumstances changing, we are at a higher risk of adopting unhealthy coping strategies. Common unhealthy strategies include alcohol or substance use. We may also use our situation as an excuse not to try to change it. In Ed's case, he admits he won't find someone who understands him the way Estelle did. This enables his antisocial tendencies.

Priscilla's story

"I've lived in this town all my life, from when I was a small girl. I know most of the families here. We don't see a lot of new folks here. It's nice, but it's also difficult, you know? Watching your parents and uncles and aunts grow old and pass, your kids grow up and have lives of their own. And being a small community, we all know each other's business. When my son first started getting into trouble, it was hard. Even though he was in Phoenix, everybody knew and had an opinion about what was wrong, so sometimes I just wanted to avoid everyone."

What type of loneliness is Priscilla experiencing?

(a) Emotional loneliness

(b) Situational loneliness

(c) Chronic loneliness

(d) Social loneliness

The correct answer is (b) Situational loneliness

Understanding Priscilla's situation

Priscilla's primary loneliness is situational because she misses family and friends that have passed on or children who have grown and moved away. Therefore, the primary situation here is that she has lived in the same town for her entire life, so it impacts her when residents pass away or leave town. However, a secondary situation that affects her loneliness is her son's personal troubles. She often finds herself embarrassed by the trouble he gets into, so she limits her own social interactions with her neighbors as a result.

Juan's story

"I was one of those boring kids. I was more interested in learning than hanging out. I always knew I wanted to be a doctor. I was the kid who raised his hand and had the answers in science class. That didn't make me very popular. It was tough...I guess I thought college would be different, but I'm still the loser studying in the library while all the cool kids are out partying."

What type of loneliness is Juan experiencing?

(a) Emotional loneliness

(b) Situational loneliness

(c) Chronic loneliness

(d) Social loneliness

The correct answer is (d) Social loneliness.

Understanding Juan's situation

Juan calls himself a 'boring kid' and 'loser', and says this is why he has never been very popular with the other kids. From the way he talks about himself, Juan might suffer from low self-esteem. He seems resigned to being the kid studying in the library instead of making friends. In his case, loneliness is social because his self-esteem and fear of rejection create a barrier between Juan and his peers.

Saanvi's story

"Since I came to America, it is very easy to feel like an outsider except when I am with my Indian friends. I do not like going to the grocery store or restaurants because I am not comfortable speaking English. American culture is really overwhelming. I do not understand the holidays or social expectations, and these things make me uncomfortable."

What type of loneliness is Saanvi experiencing?

(a) Emotional loneliness

(b) Situational loneliness

(c) Chronic loneliness

(d) Social loneliness

The correct answer is (d) Social loneliness.

Understanding Saanvi's situation

Sometimes, social loneliness is triggered by social discomfort caused by lack of familiarity. In Saanvi's case, she is very social and outgoing within her group of Indian friends. In situations where she doubts her ability to communicate or doesn't understand how to interact with others, she feels like an outsider. This feeling of being an outsider is what leads to her isolation and loneliness when she is not with her friends.

William's story

"Since moving here, it's hard to make friends here. Growing up gay in a really conservative area, I had a hard time letting people get to know me. I was worried about what they'd think. Moving to Seattle when I went off to college was great because it wasn't a big deal being gay. My husband and I could walk down the street together without worrying about what people would think. But here, I'm not so sure. I guess I'm worried people will be judgmental, so I keep my business to myself."

What type of loneliness is William experiencing?

(a) Emotional loneliness

(b) Situational loneliness

(c) Chronic loneliness

(d) Social loneliness

The correct answer is (a) Emotional loneliness.

Understanding William's situation

This is a tricky one! At first, it seems like William's loneliness is situational because it is caused by a lack of friends. However, the reason he doesn't have friends points toward emotional loneliness being the root of his problem. When he was growing up, he didn't let people get to know him for fear they would judge him for being gay. Living in a more conservative area again, William fears he will be treated poorly by his neighbors, so he keeps them at a distance. His past experience has shaped his current behavior.