The power of empathy, compassion and human relationships

Loneliness comes in many forms. For some of us, it is caused by physical isolation. For others, we are around other people but lack deep emotional ties. And for others, we might have many strong friendships, but yearn for the physical affection of an intimate romantic relationship. The common denominator of all loneliness is lack of connection.

Empathy and connection

Mindfulness teaches us to be more present and aware of the world around us. As we become more mindful, we naturally become more empathetic, or able to understand and be aware of what is happening for others, too. When we are mindful of the feelings, worries and fears of others, we are able to better build connections to them. We begin understanding that we have much in common, and maybe even a sense of loneliness.

And once we understand that we are not alone in our struggles or challenges, fears or hopes, we begin to understand that there is a community out there. As we begin to understand what things we have in common, the barriers we create that make us lonely may appear less challenging. Maybe we can even break them.

Mindfulness and compassion

One of the most lessons from the attitudinal foundations of mindfulness is the value of non-judgment. When we learn to observe others (and ourselves) with new perspectives and without preconceptions (beginner's mind), we become empathetic. And when we withhold judgment and approach others with empathy, we are better able to demonstrate compassion.

Compassion is a key to working through loneliness. Self-compassion is kindness to ourselves. Self-compassion can help us calm and soothe ourselves in times of loneliness. It is easy to feel like our loneliness is our own fault. We'll talk more about self-compassion in a short while.

Compassion for others can be a useful tool in beating loneliness, too. That is the subject of this section.

An antidote to judgment and self-isolation

We live in a world that can be pretty judgmental. We can be critical of others for their beliefs or values, or for the way they treat others (or us). Sometimes we are judgmental of others because we expect them to be unfriendly toward us. As we will see in the stories of some of our lonely people, self-isolating can be a natural defense we use against the criticism (real or imagined) of others. It is something we do so easily that we often do not recognize we are doing it.

Compassion is a tool we can use in place of self-isolating. By approaching others with compassion and understanding, we create chances to make stronger connections with others. When we show compassion, we show ourselves to be trustworthy and non-judgmental. These are qualities that help others open up to us. Loneliness is the absence of connection in our lives. So compassion opens the door for the opposite.

Try it yourself

In Compassion: Learning Tools, see if you can empathize and find points of connection with several of our Lonely People in Character Profiles: Empathizing and Connecting. To reflect more deeply on the nature of human kindness and compassion, complete the brief writing exercises in Exercise: Compassionate Writing.